Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
