Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
