I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
