PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
