my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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