Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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