What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
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