Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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