I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
