Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
