see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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