it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
