I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
