Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
