I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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