As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
