We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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