a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
