Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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