He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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