member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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