the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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