I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
