I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
