So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
