They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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