I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
