Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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