I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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