If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
