alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
