she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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