he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
