i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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