She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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