The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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