brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
