1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
