now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
