I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
