you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
