y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
