The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
