God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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