you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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