Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
