I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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