The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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