Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
