i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
