if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
