I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
