Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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