you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
